I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
literally had 100 drinks last night.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Randomize
