"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Randomize
