Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
i barfeds in our rink
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
