you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
