Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
