guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
