Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
