Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Randomize
