I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
