Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Watching her eat just hurts me
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
