youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
