Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
My feet surprised me
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