Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
