Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Randomize
