i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
