dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
