im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Randomize
