It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
The cops high fived after they tackled you
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
