My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
