I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
