I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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