it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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