1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
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