we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Randomize
