I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
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