You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
