I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
