just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
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