she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
