i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
