i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Is it because I queefed?
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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