Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
