Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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