No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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