I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I just saw a hot homeless man
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
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