I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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