Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
