Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
