i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
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