Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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