You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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