oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
