chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Randomize
