Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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