I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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