you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
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