I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
