Define "chronic" masturbator.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
