Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
