the condom got lost in my hair
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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