is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
