i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
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